Ok, moving to a new city. Step 1: find a place to live. Ok, maybe I’ve procrastinated a little (procrastination is probably at the top of my list of skills). So where should I look first? Craigslist, duh.
I’ll be honest, I don’t frequent Craigslist. There are two reasons for this. First, my town is so small it doesn’t get its own Craigslist page. If I want to find anyone selling, buying, etc. in my town, I have to select Northern Mississippi. That’s a third of the state represented on one location. (Yay for rural communities) Second reason, I’m afraid of the Craigslist killer. I realize that the odds of me finding one of the people who’s trolling for murder victims are slim to none, but it could happen!
Phase one: Anyone of these people could murder me in my sleep.
I go to Craigslist. I look search the ads for roommates. This is what runs through my mind:
- If the person says nothing about themselves, it’s because they are running from the law.
- If the room is furnished, it’s because they killed their last roommate and liked their bedroom suite.
- If the lease is month to month, they plan to kill me before next month is over.
- IF THE AD IS IN ALL CAPS, this person will yell at me……and then kill me.
- If the ad uses an excessive amount of text speak or smiley faces, then the person is probably very annoying, stupid, or both in which case I could easily become the Craigslist killer if forced to live with them for an extended period of time.
I manage to find a handful of acceptable people (including two that I really like) and send emails. Skip to four days later and the only person who has written me back doesn’t think I can afford her place. Rude! This is really disappointing. New strategy!
Phase two: Screw roommates! I’ll find my own apartment on my own.
I look on multiple websites. I send many email inquiries, but this time they are going to real estate agents or apartment management companies. And I still have to wait an absurdly long time for people to get back to me. (Actually, not true. Two guys called me back exactly 4.6 seconds after I pressed send. They are creepily good at their job.) What do I find out? These apartments are expensive!!! And when I find ones that aren’t, the landlords aren’t crazy about the idea of renting to someone who technically doesn’t have a paying job now. Can’t they tell from my amiable phone persona that people will be lining up to hire me? Oh well. I start to panic.
Phase three: Back to Craigslist. Maybe killers aren’t so bad.
Let’s give this roommate thing another try. I look through the newest ads. Miracle of miracles: I find people who seem to have things in common with me AND they are asking affordable rent. I sent out more emails. I get responses within two hours! And not just one, I receive multiple responses. Ok, I can postpone having this panic attack and actually find a place to live before I arrive in the city. As far as these potential roommates go, they seem pretty decent. I might be able to forgive them one murder in the past. Nobody’s perfect.
I called a man today about an apartment. When I informed him that I was in Mississippi, he replied, “I can tell,” and then laughed.
Some might interpret this as, “Obviously you’re from Mississippi! You sound like a hick with two teeth total! HA HA.”
But I prefer my own interpretation, “Yes, I can hear that oh-so-attractive drawl in the way you speak. It only adds to your charm because I can tell that you would be classified as an intelligent and articulate young woman no matter where you come from.”