Why do you always discover that you have next to nothing in your fridge on the days when you decide not to shower or even wear real clothes? You’ve already given up on looking presentable and leaving the house, and now you are faced with the task of finding something suitable to eat. I should also add that these are the days where you want to do nothing but eat while also watching countless episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race.
When lethargy strikes and RuPaul hypnotizes me into not leaving the couch, I can usually convince myself that eating three packages of string cheese and two popsicles constitutes a meal. However, this past Saturday I was hit with a very specific craving: ice cream. I wanted chocolate, and I wanted it NOW. The problem was that I didn’t want to abandon my leggings and sweatshirt and greasy-haired ponytail. What’s a girl to do?
Then I remembered: this is Chicago! I can walk to the grocery store half a block down the street and not run into anyone that I know. Not the case when you’re in the Sip (my cool new slang for Mississippi – it sounded cool in my head but now that I’ve typed it, it looks really silly). If I were to leave the house back home, I was guaranteed to run into my students, my students’ parents, old high school friends, parents of my old friends, people I worked with, or even my own mom. Plus, I would have to get in my car and drive to the store.
So – back to Saturday – I threw on my giant coat that covered the fact that I was wearing leggings as pants and walked to the store. (Don’t get me started on the debate over whether or not leggings are real pants. I have too much to say on the topic.) The whole process took only 15 minutes total, and no one I knew encountered my gross ponytail! Yay for Chicago. I got my ice cream plus frozen pizza, Diet Coke, and toilet paper. Then I realized the contents of my grocery cart belonged to the saddest, loneliest girl in all of Chicago. That really took the joy out of getting away with leggings as pants. Lucky for me, RuPaul was there to pick me up again.