Sad, Single-Girl Behavior

I’m single. And I’m ok with this (most of the time). I’m mature, responsible, professional – all acceptable attributes for a 27 year old – except when it comes to the opposite sex. My romantic age is probably on par with a 12 year old’s. Sometimes, I can be a little boy crazy. I have crushes – lots of them! Tall guy standing next to me at the coffee shop, I noticed him before you and have started planning our first date. I won’t actually talk to him – just plan our entire future before he can say ‘grande caramel macchiato’. Is that a cute boy on the train? Nope, he’s actually my new fiance’. Unfortunately, our engagement will have to end at the Addison stop on the Red Line. I realize this behavior is completely silly and not at all productive in the long run, but I’m having fun! Isn’t that what being single is all about?

Usually, I’m very content to live in my adolescent-boy-crazy-dream world. But occasionally, my singleness catches me off guard, and I think, “Wow, I’m becoming one of those sad, single girls.” Here’s a list of my most common Sad, Single-Girl Behaviors:

1. When you check out at the grocery store, and the only items in your cart are Diet Coke, individual sized frozen pizzas, red wine, and toilet paper. You can bet the cashier is super jealous of your life. (The situation is only intensified when you realize it’s Saturday night.)

2. You arrive at a Red Box and suddenly a crowd forms. There’s no way to hide the fact that you are returning 3 movies (and you watched them all last night). And you can’t just jam those movies in one after the other – it takes what seems like an eternity for the machine to allow you to insert the second disc. Red Box is mocking your sad social life. You walk away after returning all three movies, even though you were hoping that Magic Mike would be available. Maybe next time.

3. Your friend asks you to meet her out, but you decline. Your reason: you just started recovering your ripped sofa cushion. Who needs the bar when you have your sewing machine?

4. When your plans for the evening fall through, you aren’t disappointed because you can keep watching back to back episodes of The Following all night on Hulu. (And doesn’t Kevin Bacon look good for his age? And your newest crush is definitely the young FBI agent with the steely, blue eyes and leather jacket.)

5. You get really excited when the grocery store is selling pieces of cake by the slice (albeit, very giant slices). You can buy cake without buying a whole cake, so you buy two slices. (This behavior wasn’t quite as sad as the others because I needed two sittings to finish one piece of cake. I guess that makes slightly sad, single-girl behavior.)

6. You have been on the okcupid website so much, you are starting to recognize most of the locals in your area.

7. Since you have no cable, you rely on the hulu for all your t.v.-watching needs. When you check the website and see there are zero shows in your queue, it’s enough to bring tears to your eyes.

Whenever I find myself in the midst of S.S-G.B, I try to move on. I try not to get bogged down in the ‘I’m in my late 20’s and when was my last real relationship and will anyone ever love me’ way of thinking. And if those crazy thoughts persist, I go to a crowded place and search for my future husbands.


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