As I have mentioned before, I teach in order to make real money (you know, that stuff you need to pay rent and student loans). Every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I teach drama at an elementary school. From 2:35 to 3:22, I teach Kindergarten. This is also known as the toughest 47 minutes you have ever known. (Yes, 47 minutes. Who would want to do anything for 47 minutes with 5-6 year olds.) The reason this is so difficult is there is a comment for EVERYTHING. The class is constantly being derailed by one thing or another.
A typical class might sound something like this*:
1. Are we learning boxing today in class?
2. My tooth hurts.
3. Chris spit on me.
4. Can you tie my shoe?
5. I’m sleepy.
6. I’m cold.
7. When we were in the classroom, Susan pushed me.
8. I don’t want to sit on the carpet.
9. Timmy isn’t sitting on the carpet!
10. What’s your name again?
11. Can you be quiet please? The teacher is waiting.
12. I have that book at home!
13. I hate this book!
14. Can I go to the bathroom?
15. My tooth still hurts.
16. I went to the aquarium with my mom.
17. Chris was poking my shoe and I asked him to stop. Then he poked my shoe again.
18. No I didn’t.
19. I want to sit next to Owen!
20. Ruthie keeps following me.
21. My feet are sweaty. Can I take my shoes off?
22. Can I go to the bathroom?
23. Can I go to the bathroom when he gets back?
Arnold was the ultimate kindergarten teacher.
24. Alex stuck his tongue out at me.
25. Am I being good today?
26. I never get to go first!
27. I’m hot.
28. Can we play Wax Museum?
29. Sarah is hiding behind the curtains.
30. Can you untie my shoes? Me: Who tied your shoelaces together?
31. I’m hungry.
32. I don’t want to play that game.
33. Ms. Jones said no one can go to bathroom during drama!
34. It’s an emergency!!!
35. Sarah told me I was a vampire.
36. (crying) Becca said she’s not my friend anymore.
37. I just told her that I like Sarah better.
38. Tommy stepped on my hand.
39. It was an accident.
40. My tooth is still hurting.
41. Did you know I’m getting a puppy?
42. Will you tell Owen to stop kissing me?
44. Is it time to go home yet?
45. I hate drama.
46. I didn’t get a turn!
47. Tommy peed on my finger in the bathroom. Me: Did you wash your hands?
Yes, but he didn’t say he was sorry.
*All of these statements are true, although names have been changed because all kindergarteners look the same.