I’m still hustling for a job. A job for the summer, a job for next school year, any job really. That is, any job that will utilize all of my skills and be fulfilling while paying me plenty of money to live and pay all of my student loans. That should be easy, right?
The worst part of finding and/or applying for a job is the cover letter. I have grown to hate it. Why is writing a cover letter so hard? I think I’m awesome, so why is it so hard to convey that awesomeness in a business letter format! Purpose statements are no different. I’ve written too many of those in the past two years while applying to grad school (spoiler: I didn’t get in). Actually, purpose statements are worse because you have to lay out a life plan while also singing your own praises. Worst thing ever!
If I had enough guts, this would be my cover letter for every job I apply to from now on:
I am writing to you because I need a job. But I don’t want you to think I will settle for just any old job. I am actually, sincerely interested in a job with your company/corporation/outfit/whatever. Believe me when I say: You want to hire me because I am awesome!
So, I know there are a lot of people who probably want this job, but I promise I am the best. You see, I’m pretty smart. When you look at my resume, you might think that I don’t have the experience necessary for this position, but whatever I don’t already know (common sense goes a long way), I can learn really fast. Like SUPER fast. Trust me. I can accomplish everything you might possibly need (I mean, how hard is this job, really?). And even if I think some aspects of the job are completely stupid – I won’t say anything to your face.
Not only am I smart (and therefore guaranteed to be able to master all of the duties and responsibilities you require), but I’m also extremely likable. Likeability is a very important quality in an employee; nobody wants to work with a boring old snore. I’m entertaining and pretty funny. But don’t worry – I don’t think I’m TOO funny. I know when to joke around and when it’s not appropriate. I will not invade your personal space, and I will not outstay a welcome. Just make sure that you also give me space of my own – the less annoyed I am the more productive I will be.
Lastly, please know that I am willing to try. I will work hard because I like being good at my job. What more could you possibly ask for? I truly am the complete package: intelligent, fun, and friendly with an unstoppable work ethic. I look forward to interviewing with you so that you will be able to experience my awesomeness in person.
Oh yeah, and is it ok if I wear blue jeans every single day to work? I have found that I am truly at my best when wearing denim.
Sincerely and most awesomely,