Ok, Cupid, Where are you hiding the normal guys?

Welcome to Part 2 of my online dating adventures.  As I stated in Part 1, I went on a few dates with guys from OkCupid when I first moved here, but after some dates varying from mediocre to not-so-great I had to take a break for a while.  The break ended about a month ago, when I actually started browsing OKC’s website again.  I decided I needed to put myself ‘out there’ again, and I promised myself that I was actually going to go out with someone (as opposed to clicking through tons of profiles haphazardly and accepting my impending spinsterhood).

John sent me a message.  It said:

  • I think you are cute wow, and when I read you very a bubbly personality, that’s adorable, and then you might have an accident (he means accent). I’m hoping you message me. Sorry I never actually said hi, lol Hinthere. I’m John. I’m very much the creative type to, I’m out there doing stand up and have a side job to pay the bills as well. So tell me more about you…what’s your name?

Since I was trying not to be too judgmental, I decided to  let the spelling errors slide.  He seemed pretty normal, so I messaged him back.  We exchanged phone numbers and sent a few texts back and forth.  Mostly we talked about tv shows we liked.  A few days later, John asked if I wanted to get together for a drink over the weekend.

He wanted to meet in Bucktown (a neighborhood a bit south of me).  I chose a bar around the corner from a friend’s house and told John to meet me at 1:30 on Saturday.  I spent most of the morning running errands, so by the time I got to the bar I was starving.

John seemed nice enough.  Not great looking but very friendly.  I ordered food which meant I was committed to sitting with this guy long enough for a meal.  That’s when the fun really started.  Some fun highlights included: a story about how he got kicked out of Canada, he wants to be a stand up comedian but he doesn’t want to make people laugh, and he’s written a book (just for himself, not published) about his previous jobs dressing as an elf or bunny.  But here’s what really stood out:

Red flag #1:  He referred to his sister as ‘evil spawn’.  The first time he mentioned this, I thought it was just a joke.  But he continued to talk about how much he hated his sister. Even if you have the most dysfunctional of families, please don’t share this information on a first date.  PLUS, if your sister once tried to convince your family that you were beating up your mom (whether it was true or not), don’t tell anybody, EVER!

Red flag #2:  He is 30 and works at a deli.  Ok, I know the job market is in the toilet these days BUT it wasn’t just the fact that he works in a deli.  He has only been working there for a month, and he told me a story about calling in sick to work and having his boss chew him out about.  I think I responded by saying something like, “Yeah, sometimes you get sick.”  He made a face that made me think ‘sick’ was code for ‘hung over’ or ‘just don’t feel like it’.  He didn’t say it outright, but I am sensing that this guy has been fired a time or two before.

  •  Can I just say that we are at 2 Red Flags and my food has JUST arrived.  I knew at this point that John and I would not be sharing a lasting connection.  However, I could tell that the club sandwich and I were meant for each other.

Red flag #3:  Trying to maintain to most basic of conversation I asked “Where did you go to school?” His answer was about high school…and high school only.  This would have been bad enough, but then he went on to explain that he went to the alternative school (for kids with behavior problems, I think?) and didn’t even finish.  He got his G.E.D.

  • I tried to focus on my sandwich.  But I must have an amazing poker face, because he just kept on sharing.  Which brings us to…

Red flag #4:  Towards the end of the meal, he said he needed to be honest with me.  (Oh no, this can not be good.)  His announcement was (drum roll please)  He still lives with his ex-girlfriend.  SAY WHAT!?!  They broke up in October and he’s too nice to kick her out because she’s uneployed and blah, blah, blah.  At this point my face could no longer stay disconnected from my brain and my face must have given everything away.  “You’re judging, aren’t you.”  I responded truthfully saying something about this being a surprise and a complicated situation.

Here’s what I should have said, “Of COURSE, I’m judging.  You just told me that you hate your sister, you never graduated high school, and even though you are living with your ex-girlfriend you are looking for dates online!”  But I didn’t say this.  I’m too nice.  Finally, it was time to pay and leave this disaster behind.  John mentioned maybe wanting to go out again, and I smiled and said maybe and then practically ran to my friend’s house.

If you ever have a bad date, you should definitely immediately take your gay friend to see Catching Fire and forget about ending up like a cat lady.  That’s what I did, and it turned out to be a splendid afternoon.

Thank you, Peeta and Katniss. You saved my Saturday.

A few days after the date, John sent me a text that said something like this:

  • Kate, you’re really sweet and a great girl.  I don’t think this is a good time for me to be dating anyone.  I hope you find what you’re looking for.

That’s right – he’s the one who officially broke it off.  I was relieved but at the same time a little ticked that he was the one to do it first.  The lesson here: Never excuse spelling errors and bad grammar.  You will regret it.

I’m kind of on another break from OkCupid.

when theatre people watch the Sound of Music Live

I know I’m late to the party, but I have some opinions and what’s the point of a blog if I don’t share them!

I learned about the Sound of Music Live a little over a week ago.  I heard a conversation how the whole nation was anxiously anticipating the ‘live musical’.  Since I work in a theatre office, we were all a little outraged at this comment.  I don’t know if you are aware, but every time (every SINGLE time) you go to see a musical at a theatre (or a play for that matter) it’s live.  I realize it’s not usually broadcast to the entire nation, but every actor in the theatre is doing live performances every night!!

Friday morning in the office, the first priority was letting everyone share their opinions about what they had seen the night before.  Unfortunately, I do not have cable and I had a baby-sitting job on Thursday.  But through the magic of facebook, I was able to keep up with all my friends’ opinions in real time.  And then, tonight, I discovered the entire broadcast (and the making of special) was on Hulu!!  And I didn’t have to sit through the strange Wal-Mart commercials.  Below, are my thoughts on the show, and I’ve included some of my friends facebook comments from the live broadcast.

The most brilliant decision of this entire spectacle: Audra McDonald as Mother Abbess.  She is perfection.  I can’t wait to here her sing Climb Every Mountain!  After we meet the nuns, we move to Carrie and THE SONG.

  • opening song transposed down at least a fourth – ohhhhh Carrie!!!!!!!!! – Kate’s facebook friend

Now, we’re back to the nuns and Ms. McDonald.  Even I don’t deserve to call her by her first name.  America is shown the first difference between the stage show and the iconic movie: My Favorite Things happens in the abbey.  Mr. Ashford, why would ask Carrie to continuously circle the desk during My Favorite Things?  Are we playing musical chairs?  Oh no, now Ms. McDonald is circling the desk?  No, NO!  I’m starting to notice a lack of emotion from Carrie.  She’s begging to stay at the abbey, but I’m looking at her face and thinking, “Do you really want to stay, Carrie?  DO YOU?”  I’m not buying it and neither is Mother Abbess. So, we move to Von Trapp household.

  • Supporting roles such as Butler 1 and Housekeeper stealing the show! – Kate’s facebook friend

It’s becoming very obvious to me that this classic musical just doesn’t play well on a sound stage.  Vampire Bill (aka Capt. Von Trapp) and Carrie are letting any chance to show us any emotion just fly by!  Maria wins these kids over WAY too fast.  It’s just so unrealistic.  The cameras are too close for these cheesy lines and (at moments) petrified actors.

  • Carrie keeps looking at us. Ever so briefly. It’s like she’s asking for help. – Kate’s facebook friend

Let’s skip ahead to Liesel’s big moment (and my personal favorite from childhood): Sixteen Going on Seventeen.  Liesel is cute, but Rolf looks so old.  (I watched the making of special, and I know they say he’s a senior in college.  But compared to Liesel, he looks like a creeper).  Plus, I’m getting a little seasick from the camera moving back and forth to follow all of this frolicking in the hills.  And his little short pants?  He looks ridiculous!  And the roll down the hill at the end!  My friends say it best:

  • He is thirty …she is 16. But, I don’t think he likes girls, so it’s cool.  There is a murder weapon. There is rolling. He’s trying to kill her why doesn’t somebody TRY AND HELP HER!!!! – Kate’s facebook friend

Now Carrie is praying.  No, not for the end of this experiment, it’s part of the show.  It’s her first night at the Von Trapp’s, and she must pray for all the children.  It’s at this precise moment that I remember Julie Andrews in the original movie.  I LOVED this movie as a kid (along with much of the nation, I’m sure).  As I watch Carrie’s version of this moment, I really miss the great Julie Andrews.  She really was wonderful, wasn’t she.  Voice of an angel and a splendid actress to boot.  Time for the goatherd song.  Kids under the bed during the yodeling – ok, I’ll give you that one, Rob.  Super cute.

The pros are here!  Laura Benanti.  I love you.  (I actually kind of liked Go On.)  Christian Borle.  I love you.  (And I really miss Smash.)  I guess this was NBC’s way of apologizing to both of them for cancelling their television shows.  Now we have actors with some timing, and faces that move. Wait, did she say smoke a big cigar?  I don’t remember the kind of innuendo from the movie.  And even though I love the two of you as Max and Ilsa, I’m not really going to pay attention to your song.  Sorry.  At this point in the show, it’s hard for me to give any part of this my full attention.

Time for Vampire Bill to show us the Captain’s big turn around from cold, unfeeling navy man to warm, loving father.  Oh wait, there’s no difference.  I know your dad just started singing for the first time in who knows how long, but that hug from Marta and Greta in the background is a bit much even for me.

Party time.  Why are all of Carrie’s dresses SO unflattering?  C’mon costume designer, the Captain is supposed to find Maria desirable.  This is the moment – they are falling in love.  Here’s my review of Carrie’s acting so far.

I love the hills, and I’m very happy:

I don’t want to leave the abbey.  I’m very upset:

The Captain is singing with his children.  I am very moved:

I think I might love the Captain:

No really, I LOVE the Captain:

  • The doorknobs are giving me more than Carrie is. – Kate’s facebook friend

Yes, that is the same face.  Every time.  And we are only at the half-way point.  Luckily, we get to go back to the abbey and listen to Ms. McDonald again.  Dear lord, she is perfection.  And only her beautiful rendition of Climb Every Mountain gets Carrie Underwood to show a glimpse (although slight) of true emotion for the first time during this telecast.  She’s crying.  Oh wait, she stopped.

The children are sad because Carrie is gone.  We could just end the show there, but alas, we must soldier on.  Laura Benanti you are beautiful, and I love this pink top red/pants ensemble.   Another song for the pros (with Vampire Bill).  Why is this song is so upbeat? Aren’t we talking about the inevitability of the Nazis invading?

Carrie’s back.  Laura is leaving (why?!?).  I’m actually rooting for the Baroness at this point because she’s showing some real emotion about being left for the nanny.  Now that Laura is gone, time for a ‘love’ song between our leading lady and man.  All I can think of is how I wish the Baroness was still in the show.

  • Is this that thing where Carrie is the pretty girl in high school and it’s her senior year so she had to be the lead, and the actual girl who can act is playing the governess and smoking cigarettes behind the field house saying, “…I’m gonna get so much work when I’m forty…goddamnit.” – Kate’s facebook friend

Back from the honeymoon, but the Von Trapps are in trouble!!  Better think fast, Carrie.  It’s a good thing you had those matching outfits lying around to go so you can fool those Nazis and escape!  Oh my there are a lot of swastikas at this concert.  Luckily your costumes match the flags.  And thank you Christian Borle for showing us some real emotion about the family taking a risk to escape the Third Reich.

It’s the last scene of the play!  Back in the abbey.  Wait, I didn’t realize that Rolf DIDN’T rat the family out in the stage play.  It makes me like him a little more – but kudos to the film for making a more interesting choice.  I know it’s night…but it’s really dark.  I could barely see Rolf’s gun.  This doesn’t feel dangerous at all…but maybe it’s better this way.  I also can’t see Carrie and Vampire Bill’s dead faces.  Oh lord, Thank Goodness it’s Audra and the nuns that sing the last number of the show.  Ok, I’ll admit, I may be getting a few chills watching the family climb the foothill to freedom.

Overall, not completely horrible, but it definitely had it’s problems.  I’ll let my friends wrap it up:

  • It’s a creepy intersection of not-theater, not-television and it’s a deep pit of hollow. I love every second of it. – Kate’s facebook friend
  • Her bra’s all cattywompus and she can’t fix it cuz she’s on the television! – Kate’s facebook friend (also from the South.  See cattywompus.)
  • …dammit, it needed a little more fore-thought. So, NEXT TIME, let’s agree to hire a real costume designer and give the pop star an acting coach. SUPPORT OUR PLAYERS. – yet another facebook friend
  • From henceforth, let all situations where an artist signs up for a project only to realize it’s out of their league but it’s too late to back out, be known as getting “Von Trapped”. Example: “It’s only the first day of my Cirque training, and I’m already feeling Von Trapped.” – arguably Kate’s most clever facebook friend